I Wish I Could Tie You Up In My Shoes, Make You Feel Unpretty Too...

Going to be a bit of a mixed post today I think :/

So yesterday (Thursday), I got up at freakin' 6:00 am. Unless I'm going to college, this is unheard of in the holidays. My driving instructor swapped my lesson time. Again. So he picked me up from my house at 7:45 then I drove around Shrewsbury til 9:00. I only just made it out the house on time though! Also had to grab some stuff together because I was going to stay at the boyfriend's. But on the plus side, no one was up so I only ate a nectarine and a small glass of orange juice for breakfast. Which turned out to be a good thing even though I was starving all day.

Driving went horribly though. I felt a second behind everything. I hate feeling like that, it makes me remember a time I'd rather forget. I wasn't looking in time at junctions, pulling out in front of traffic, pulling into side roads to quick... I was glad to get out the car. All this outweighed the fact that I pulled off two "Turns-In-The-Road". Which sucked. My instructor didn't want to book my practical test either as he wants to see how I do next week -_- Can't wait. Plus the lesson is next Thursday 18th = Results Day and mine and Fergus's five month anniversary. Good work Liv. 

But after the lesson, I walked to Fergus's and things got better :) We went to the Sports Village and played Bandminton for an hour. It was a re-match seeing as last time he beat me but only by like one point in each game. Unfortunately, this time, he beat me again -_- But I really did give it my all. I told myself I could do it and tried so hard. But I still couldn't beat him, In our first match, I led 10 - love but he pulled it back. Also, I get frustrated with myself so I get really angry! Which makes me look like a really bad loser. But hey, he did play well I guess so good on him :P

We also played Xbox for a while. I have to say... I actually had fun :D Fergus is teaching me to play properly and I was getting pretty good ;) Well, good for me. We were playing Halo Reach and I was actually running round and shooting little alien thingys. Though I did mistake a space ship for a helicopter... Which Fergus found hysterical. And then told Anto as well. Who also found it funny. But it was a perfectly easy mistake to make!! We also watched some films and fell asleep at about 11:00 pm :L I was totally zonked out and we had to be up early as Fergus and Anto were going busking. I tagged along for a bit then came home to read your beautiful blogs, play guitar, go on Wii Fit and go for a run. Standard. 

On a less happy note, I feel disgusting at the moment. I've been reading thinspo blogs and looking at photos. I mean, why can't I be pretty and happy with the way I look. I'm too scared to weigh myself because I had chips and sausage in batter with Fergus yesterday. But apart from my nectarine, a bottle of diet coke (for Badminton) and one finger of a KitKat and a few Doritos (Fergus's) that was it. But hopefully the exercise from today and yesterday will have helped a little. I know I will have put some on. 

Fergus says I'm not fat and that he loves me as I am. But he has to say that. And he doesn't get it, I don't like what I see in the mirror but I feel really bad saying anything. I want to be able to walk round without feeling self conscious. I hate comparing myself to everyone else around me. I mean, I was stood in town earlier just watching people walk past and thinking why can't I look like that!? But I was talking to a friend earlier about how he goes to the gym and he said he'd take me with him if I wanted. So I may take him up on that seeing as the 'rents are starting to get a little suspicious with the running. Hopefully, I'll get there. I know it'll take time. I mean, I can see my hip bones and ribs already... And I kinda like how they look. I just wish I didn't have such a horribly fat tummy and legs to ruin it. I'm sorry for going on but I just feel so crap.

So yeh, I'm really sorry for going on. I can't talk to anyone about it so I just let it all out on here. And I know my problems aren't half as bad as some peoples, so I'm sorry for complaining. Though I guess a plus side of today was being paid for the first time :) And also a link for information on our first Youth Music Voices residential: http://www.youthmusic.org.uk/musicispower/blog/Youth-Music-Voices-go-for-gold.html 

Hope your all okay and had a better day :) Thanks for reading and putting up with my drivel Xo